Monica Bhide Recently on social media, I have asked the question: Do you believe in luck? How do you define luck?
I got amazing and insightful answers and I am grateful.
I had asked for a very selfish reason. Luck is my crutch and I keep trying to justify it. Whenever I don’t get something I want (abundance in money, friends, family, work, career, anything at all), I have a tendency to say, “Oh, I did not get it because I just don’t have the luck.”
I think many of us have a crutch. It is what we use to hold on when all else seems to be going to hell. It is what we use as an excuse to rely on. I know I do. I have also noticed that the crutch isn’t something that cannot be changed or is out of our control, it is just something that to us seems insurmountable. It seems bigger than reality and out of our control.
Crutches that I have learned about from friends and colleagues:
- My husband/partner hates it when I do X
- I was born this way
- It is the will of the Universe
- I don’t have the talent
- I don’t have the willpower
- If only this person or situation was different, then all would be fine
- I don’t have the “add crutch here”
It has been a long and difficult year for me and I have decided today that I am going to break my crutch. Why? It does not seem to be doing what it used to. When I first started saying that “I don’t have the luck,” it was comforting, it was a way to save face when I did not get the coveted TV deal or novel contract. Now, after years of using it, it seems like an excuse. It seems like what I run to when I run out of energy or hope. Instead, now, I am looking at an abundant Universe that, as someone much wiser than me said, will conspire to help me if I keep doing what I love.
What is your crutch? Are you going to break it or are you going to let it break you?
Hi Monica —
Funny thing, I’m doubling my income, but it has been a challening 10 1/2 months for me as well.
My “crutch?” Hmmm. Probably “I can’t do this” or “It can wait.” Most likely the latter.
I find that when I get to doing things the “crutch” disappears.
Steve
My crutch? I’ll take care of task Z after Task Y (which in turn will be after task X), by the time I go up the chain, I’m too ‘overwhelmed’.. and just retreat!
My crutch has always been my faith. Faith that tomorrow things will be better. It has been a “challenging” year for me, too. I keep looking forward & have hope, and FAITH that everything will be alright, in time. Thanks for another masterpiece. This is a keeper. And Monica, have faith! It’ll be OKAY!
Monica, thanks for sharing this post. I’ve had to make a few choices lately in terms of allowing rejection to get the better of me or fighting through it. I think my crutch has to do with perfectionism as in this work isn’t polished enough to submit yet and I’ll never be good enough so why not quit now. That’s the sabotage line anyway. It takes guts to examine our crutches and to be willing to grow, so I, too, am dropping my crutch(es).
I’m with Nikki (art and lemons): analysis paralysis/perfection paralysis. I end up sitting on a lot of stuff because of it.
Powerful post, Monica! I’m letting go of my starving artist crutch.
Procrastination. Afraid to begin the project/story/article, because 1) it will have to be So Fabulous and So Wonderful and I am afraid it won’t be good enough (which is “I am not enough), 2) I don’t have what I need to do it 3) It will be So Hard and it is So Important that I will wait to start it later on, when I can sit down Momentously with the Giant Block of Time and write it all perfectly start to finish 4) It will take so long and be so difficult that I dread it and don’t want to do it right now while I am feeling sleepy/busy/distracted/sad/happy, etc. So then I only start at the very very very last minute, and get it done and have to send it in without the gift of waiting a day, revisiting it in full draft form, to tweak / fix / improve / revise it as I could do with more time, which of course I don’t have. So I give myself a pass that it is not as good as it could be because I am out of time. Which is a situation I completely created by putting off getting started and therefore eliminating my chance to work on it over time and without deadline distress. Perfectionism/Procrastination Crutch: Time to break it into kindling and use it to start a cozy campfire.
I’ve come to realize over the last two years that it really is about the stories you tell yourself. In operating on the premise that the world is largely about good luck or bad, the story you might be telling yourself is that the universe is very random, at least in its relationship with you.
Has anyone asked? Is a crutch a good thing or a bad thing? Isn’t a crutch something you need and use for awhile and then toss away when it’s no longer relevant? Looked at that way, crutches provide support at critical times and enable us to hobble along until we can walk freely without them…
For me, a crutch I happily leaned upon for years was, “I’d love to do [X] or [Y], but I can’t because my children need me.” Now, that crutch is revealed to be an excuse, no longer (ever?) valid. My own sense of self has grown over the years and the crutch that got me through can be thrown away and fears faced.
My take is that it is a good thing when used in moderation. For me, it was becoming an excuse, a security blanket, a go to when something did not go my way. Instead of providing help, it became an excuse. That is when it is an issue. I think..
Interestingly, my crutches seem to change continuously, as soon as I overcome yet another “insurmountable” obstacle. But the one that always survives is “I don’t know how to sell myself”.
I had five extremely stressful and challenging years, but it’s about time to stop this crazy talk and start acting. Thanks for the inspiration and one more, oh, so necessary, kick in the butt:)
“It’s his kismet”, “she’s always lucky”, “i’m not as fortunate” & “it’s just not meant to be” are my favorite defense mechanisms.
Now I realize, this is wrong, very, very wrong thing to do.
Man, I really should break the crutch(es).
A crutch is a support that aids us when we are down & out ; something that sustains us in those moments of despair & hopelessness . Of course, you must gather enough courage and work constantly to move on without its help;
My crutch is the golden handcuffs and safety net of a full-time job that prevent me from pursuing my interests full time.
Monica, I have been following you for years and so admire you. And yes, this post came as a surprise because we always assume another’s life is working better than ours. i can certainly identify with your crutch about luck. Mine went something like this…luck happens for others, not to families like ours…a believe of my father’s that I grew up with. I don’t know if it’s something that’s common amongst immigrants to this country or not but I’ve been living here since I was 5 so I can’t use that excuse any more. I know on an intellectual level that it’s not true but on an emotional level…at times I’m still that little girl. However, I have made huge strides in this by simply looking at it and not pushing it away.
A quick story: Several years ago I was working with a healer and she reminded me that we all have fears. They are like the monsters under the bed that we’re afraid to look at when we are children. But when the child gets the courage to look under the bed we see that there’s really nothing there.
A few days later I had an appointment at a boutique hotel. I got into the elevator and noticed that it was completely faux painted with titles of books on library shelves. I pushed the floor I wanted and then looked up. The title of the book that immediately met my gaze was…”Look Under the Bed”
My crutch is literally a crutch. I’ve been through a lifetime of dealing with difficult people and situations and I’ve grown pretty strong as a result so a limiting injury 4 years ago is most exasperating. I have always been able to talk myself into something; forge ahead, get it done. Dealing with this is more frustrating than anything because along with the injury has come some fear. I guess that’s what I’m working through. Where I used to be game for anything, I’m now more cautious (a debilitating injury will do that to you!), not willing to take ANY chances of re-injury. I’m going to assume I’m seeing progress because I’m now willing to say yes to local events but I just passed up the offer of a nice trip to the west coast out of that fear of the unknown; would I be able to; what obstacles would I find? Makes me want to go AARGH!!! I wish it was all about self talk and strong will…but for me there is the added burden of something I’m reminded of with every step I take. I just need to take more steps and ones that take me further from my comfort zone.
my crutch is similar to yours. i blame that life has always been unfair to me though it has been quite the opposite. i never seem to have enough of anything and I am constantly looking for more and more which is tiring. my crutch is not just the lack of luck but also my tendency to never feel true happiness for anything in life, hence doubling the misery. Just the post I wanted to read when i was feeling I am running out of luck 🙂 thanks for this.